If loving you makes a slave of me, then I’ll spend my whole life in chains.
It’s been a long time since I wrote here. Today is the first day of February, so I found it fitting to get back to writing here as I intended to do. This log will be a long one because a lot has happened and my mind is ablaze with thought and contradiction.
I had a talk with a friend of mine today, she does not like my Master, not that she needs too, but we have always confided in each other over matters of submission and such, and she has just herself had her Master whom she met the same place I met mine, move to another country to be with her. She does not believe I should still be with my Master, she believes that he is leading me on, and I of course being his slave, and beyond dedicated, defend him as I always have, passionately and persistently, speaking of how he is my world and how regardless of what others believe I would give my last breath for his happiness because I am his. I suppose what threw me back a bit and almost felt like a blade within my chest was that she very curtly said “do not mistake your obsession for submission” and then advised me that perhaps I need therapy or counseling because my “obsession” with him is “unhealthy” I have often heard this kind of conversation from vanillas but it is a first for me to hear it from another sub. I of course as my mind coiled around these words like a snake, decided to do a bit of research.
Below are the definitions for both a submissive and obsession. They are very close and live hand in hand really, so here I ask, what is wrong with a submissive being obsessed with her Dominant? Is it not simply the passionate willingness to give whatever it takes for him to be happy? Perhaps I self sacrifice some of my heart and hurt occasionally but when he is pleased, and I receive the knowing happiness of appreciation, is that not a reward worth such sacrifice?
inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
The domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.
I find it upsetting how many people think I have gone insane. How many people try to tell me I should give up.Remember when you were a kid and you were told never to quit? Where did that mentality go in Society? Whatever happened to “you can do anything you put your mind too” or “the sky is the limit”? Frankly people can say what they wish, they can call me a doormat, they can call me naive, they can swear I will be hurt and that I am fool and will feel stupid but I made a promise to one man, and that was that until the day he tells me to leave and that he himself sees me as said fool and toy, then I will damn well work towards not only being at his feet collared, but also sacrifice as much of my own emotions or whatever it takes for him to be happy. Why? Because obsessed or not I am his god damned slave and proud of it.
BTW above is the Heaven and hell locking "Turian" style surgical steel collar, the collar I intend to wear.( with the matching set of 4 locking identical cuffs as I have been told by my Master. )
I have not written since before Christmas. I in the time since I last posted have moved from my biological parent’s house, and worked really on just bettering myself as a whole. I did re-pierce my lip; I will include a photo of that on this post so you can see. I always enjoyed the lip ring, I am glad to have it back. I have also applied for several day jobs, none have come through sadly, so I will most likely have to wait until may or June to move instead of march for obvious financial reasons due to the economy. That point has saddened me and I have struggled with depression, but I am strong willed and will overcome that weakness of course. Hmmmmm what else… oh I have been working out, I plan to start zoomba work out dance classes soon. I have lost 12 lbs so far and given up soda entirely as it was one of my new year’s resolutions. So far so good, yet I have taken smoking back up, cloves to be precise. And they are enjoyable as well, for now.
Oh oh oh! I also have instructions by my Master to start a flicker account for a photo a day posting. It can be anything I see or do that day that I find photo worthy, like a journal entry via one picture per day, so tomorrow I will post the web link to that for people to see.
Anyways, I am going to wrap this entry up because I have chores to attend, but feel free to leave comments and/or thoughts in relation to this entry if you so wish.
( Photo of my lip ring as spoken about above. )
I will bear his pain and his love with equal joy..
I will suffer his punishment and his praise to help me grow...
I will accept his knowledge and his wisdom to teach me..
I will wear his collar and his chains to guide me..
I will offer my loyalty and service to complete him...
I will surrender my body and my mind to entertain him..
I will give him my love, for it is all that is mine to give...
I will take his time and attention, for I cannot ask for more..
I will show him respect, for that is his due..
I will be his slave....
All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours.